Archive for March, 2006

The HSG was an interesting experience. I get into these stirrups that spread me wide and put the pretty little paper blanket over my bared nethers. Doctor (male) and nurse (female) come in. Doctor uncovers my pretties and then spends 5+ minutes prepping and yacking with the nurse. They tried to incorporate me in the convo but really, how much can I say in that position?

Doctor inserts speculum and some additional tools and then has me lay my legs straight towards him “just leave some room for my tools” he says. Oh that sets me at ease.

Then the fun starts. They inject dye into my uterus for the purpose of checking the shape of the uterus and seeing if the fallopian tubes are clear.

Now keep in mind they had me take one vicodin and two advil an hour prior to this test.

The xray machine shows a normal uterus - yay! Then he starts the pressure on the fallopian tubes and I stop breathing. They give me the inane chatter about taking long slow deep breaths. Fuck you, I can’t even CATCH my breath. The pain was immediate and intense like nothing I’ve ever experienced before in my life and quietly pray to any god that will listen that I never feel it again outside the confines of this single experience.

He repeated the pressure a couple times, each time my breath stopping and my heart racing. Insipid nattering about my breathing sounds like gnats buzzing around my ear. Swat.

After all was said and done he said I may experience some minor bleeding. I guess that minor bleeding was the reason that as soon as I stood up to get dressed I had blood down to my knees. Thick rivulets of blood tell me parts of my insides are very unhappy.

Doc said my HSG was worse than many others because both tubes were blocked and I let him apply a lot of pressure. He seemed impressed with the amount of pain I tolerated, despite not taking long deep slow breaths. Idiots.

It’s not enough that I go and order plants in a fugue state, now I must go shopping locally and purchase more plants. Not regular plants, no. I must get new plants (tubers) that must be dug up in the fall and put back in the spring. Yes. This sounds like a good idea! No, not good, not merely good. It’s a brilliant idea! Yes yes yes! *insert crazy laugh*

Oh well, 30 begonias and dahlias. I’ll find homes for some of them but most will go in the ground with the 2 other begonias I’ve mail ordered. *doink*

Yes, I am she of the Clearly Insane Clan. It’s time to start shopping for a spring coat, something in white I think.

On the same train to crazyville… A friend mentioned she couldn’t post a comment. For a while I had that turned off thanks to site spammers. Its since been turned back on.

Tip for the day: Make sure you have a drivers license. That way you can drive yourself crazy. I don’t have a DL, thankfully its a short drive so the walk back isn’t too bad.

There’s little I love more than getting out into the yard and planting things. Doesn’t always turn out the way I want but hey, its fun.

This is why its such a shock to get an email telling me that there are 28 plants on their way.

Twenty Eight. Not 27 or 29, twentee ate. Plants. Plants that I’ve picked out, paid for, apparently have plans for.

Surprise!

Here’s the lay out if you’re facing the bed. King sized bed. Marc on the right, me on the left. Between us is Sasha, up near the top, and Kala down at our feet. Colette, the cat, floats from side to side.

My eyes fly open. Room, dark… silent. Noise, what is that? Look to the left of me. Sasha, sitting up. Upper body methodically jerking forward. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!! She’s going to barf on my face!

Leap out of bed while pulling all 50 pounds of this fat sheltie with me. Get her leaning over a dog bed with a removable cover. She finishes, I put her back on the bed, climb back into the covers and start to close my eyes.

Then it happens. A voice from the dark says, “Good thinking.”

Is this God? Is this a new hallucination? If it is, will it keep me company during the days? Oh, I’m not lucky enough to have God talk to me or have my own friend (even if it is all in my head). Oh no. I must have a husband who can compliment me on my fast thinking…. while watching it all and not doing a damn thing.

That’s pretty much started my day off to an acerbic start. While visiting an MS board I’m helping with the admin told me I put in the emotes wrong because there were duplicates. This royally pissed me off. There aren’t duplicates. You have to put in an emote multiple times for each code you want people to be able to use.

That little red haze has helped pinpoint an aspect of my personality that still needs work. When someone tells me I did something wrong I get very defensive and pissy. The rational reaction would be to discuss it or to find out the reason or anything constructive. Anger, in this situation, is not constructive. It is my typical response. Damn, haven’t reached perfection yet.

It would be easy to lay the blame on the funky wake up call, which did contribute, and the extra stress I’ve been under lately, but if I’m honest I know better. Earlier in the week there was a little tiff with another person.

This other person was trying to help but was confusing and giving bad information. That irks me, especially when I’m the one that was asked to begin with. Instead of ignoring this other person or dealing with her in a techy-to-techy way I smacked her down. Real mature Jessica.

All this other person wanted to do is be acknowledged as someone with technical abilities. At least that’s what I’m guessing since on another board she again went into a whole “Oh my gosh, I’m such a geek. he he hee! Don’t hate me because I’m a computer geek” spiel.

Hate looking in the mirror and seeing something ugly like that. It’s not enough to deal with the baggage that comes with MS. Oh no, life is also going to make us look at the other aspects of our personalities. And cringe.

For those that care, and those that don’t, here’s the Sheltie. Her present to me this morning was not horfing. She made the moves, made the sounds, did not make the puddle. Yay Sasha!

Lately I’ve been waking up at 3am. Fully awake, fully aware, fully full. It takes a little time to fall back asleep but not too bad.

Last night I woke up at 3am, like normal, and thought, “Shit! I didn’t take my shot. It’s Sunday!” So I get up, get my shot, warm it under my arm for a few and do the injection while “fully” awake.

While it was indeed Sunday, it was Sunday at 3am. My shot was not scheduled until later that night.

Grumble. This makes me doubt the 3 second rule. You aren’t responsible for what you do the first three seconds after waking up. I need a better rule, the 3 am rule.

Tip for the day: Numbness isn’t all that bad as long as its not your brain thats numb.